Hump Day and The Week of Emotional Breakdowns/Dancing in my Underwear

This will forever be known as the week of ten minute dance routines in my underwear.

It very nearly became the week of severe emotional breakdowns, but I wasn't about to let that happen. It's aggravating enough for me that the blog I have been obsessively fussing over starting for the past year only got off to a bang because I had a desperate moment of needing to spill as much out of me as I could; a kind of letting down of pent up energy, if you will.

Okay, purge.

But that's okay. This is real life. And I even resisted the urge to tie up that first post into something neat and optimistic. There is beauty in all the moments. The fact I am still here is optimistic enough for me.

After all, life is in fact, a series of moments. And those moments are a bursting pallet of emotions and colors and sounds and feelings. And that vast spectrum of emotions and colors and sounds and feelings collide perfectly together and become our lives. And that is exactly the way it's supposed to be. 

I can bitch and moan about the fact that I let fear put a freeze on my fingers the past year and that's why it took a moment of desperate unraveling for me to sit here and punch out a blog post. I can beat myself up over the fact that I have the word count equivalent of multiple manuscripts in Facebook posts, I can cry and cry over every missed opportunity or lack of movement and action, or I can keep moving and know that this is it, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be, and that's okay. LOOK AT EVERYTHING I AM AND HAVE ACHIEVED DAMMIT. (I'll stop short of self indulgently listing said achievements here and move on to something fun like telling you everything I ate over the past several days. Or not.)

A broken moment does not a broken person make.

I am fortunate. I knew what it was to be loved before I knew what it was to be broken.

I know what it is to Love and BE LOVE ya'll.

Therefore, I can never be the latter for long. Yes, I am still struggling. I am still working things out this time around. But it will pass. Everything does. And yes, it will cycle back again. Everything does. Nothing stays the same. Change is the only constant. For that I am supremely grateful.


I had a lot of emails come in after the last post. I can't even speak to the host of emotions that brings on.


Dear gorgeous humans,

There are so many of us going through this. Please know this love is for you too. You are not alone.

TRUST ME.

Thank you for choosing to share your moments - your precious selves - with me. You are sacred and whole, vital and necessary, and I am so grateful to be alive in the midst of it all; in the presence of you and this great big fantastic ride. Thank you for being love to my hurt, and reminding me of all the good, and how it's okay to just be. Oh, to taste one's own sweet medicine gently handed back to them with the most loving of hearts and hands.

Today I told myself lots of nice things about me.

Today I danced in my underwear with the music full blast and my eyes shut to everything but my own glorious fast beating heart.